Frans de Waal isn’t a name that will come up at your dinner table over the holidays like, say the topic of the Roman Empire might, but the fact that you’re getting together with family at all and sharing gifts and love and warmth should at least make you aware that this man exists. You see, de Waal is a primatologist and ethologist. Those are fancy-schmancy words for someone who studies primates (from chimps to humans, now and in the past) and the behavior of non-human animals. And what Waal has found out in his decades of study of these things bears directly on this season of holidays and sharing.

Waal–as you can probably tell from his name–is from The Netherlands. He received his education in Dutch universities and became fascinated with the behavior of apes in their groups and how they interacted. His theories, not new of course, centered around how ape/primate behavior can help humans understand our own behavior. One of his early ideas has been taken by a certain segment of human society and been turned on its head, actually. de Waal was among the first modern scientists who saw the tendency in primate groups for a strong male to be assertive in the group. This Alpha Male idea has been co-opted by some men (and a few women) to justify male dominance in human society in a way that has resulted in the concept of toxic masculinity. But that’s not exactly what de Waal found. Instead, his dominant male was more of an enabler, a personality that insured that everyone in the group was included and cared for, a coach/cheerleader rather than a dictator or task master. These males appeared rather to emphasize cooperation, fairness, and empathy–concepts that are foreign to the more popular concept of the Alpha.

For almost a decade, de Waal spent time among the largest concentration of chimpanzees in captivity, in a study facility in The Netherlands. He formed his first theories about primate interaction there. His other major realization was that primates seek group stability through reconciliation. When an argument or disagreement happens, the group forced the aggrieved parties “kiss and make up” in order to keep the peace and stasis of the community. That made de Waal realize that primates were naturally seekers of peace and harmony for the sake of the greater good.

de Waal and his research associates also found that not only the chimps but also all mammals seem to be naturally empathetic. Studies conducted by other researchers using rats and other mammals have borne this out. When unfairness is recognized by the group, the group takes steps to rectify the situation. That means that, somewhere within mammals, the concept of justice–making things right that are wrong–lies deep within our DNA. That discovery was paradigm-shifting to de Waal. He began to be interested in how humans developed morality over time, knowing that if morality existed in other apes, then those concepts were innate in humans. He demonstrated that chimps, when given the choice, always chose to help others rather than simply help themselves only.

So, when you gather with family and friends over the holidays, know that what you are doing is something that comes from long, long ago in our past. When you make peace with someone, when you seek the comfort of someone, when you share what you have with another, when you seek justice, when you show mercy, Frans de Waal would say you had it in you all along.

In fact, you were born with being kind in your evolutionary DNA.