Tag: Caligula

On a Monstrosity

When Claude was born, his mother was heard to say, “Oh, my! What a monstrosity! He looks like something nature tried to make but couldn’t quite finish.” Not the most auspicious birth, don’t you agree? And, as he grew, his family despaired of him. His own sister, supposedly a person he was close to as a youngster, said, “I hope you don’t grow up.” You see, there were several things wrong with Claude. He probably had Tourette’s Syndrome at a time when that was not yet able to be diagnosed. We know he foamed at the mouth, had twitches of his face and lips, and he walked with a shuffling limp. As he reached his teens, he developed a terrible stutter that made his family think even less of him. A monstrosity, indeed.

Yet, this monstrosity had a good brain and a fine mind. He learned several languages. He read everything he could get his hands on. His large family, wealthy and influential, kept Claude hidden from public view, but that suited him just fine. It gave him time to learn. And it gave him time to study people–the servants, his caregivers, and his family members. All of that learning and watching and listening would serve him well as he grew up. But that knowledge didn’t stop his family from humiliating him every chance it got. One of his nephews, a young man who was about Claude’s age, liked to throw food at him when he would doze off at dinner. This particular nephew would point and laugh at poor Claude, calling him all sorts of names and playing particularly cruel pranks on his uncle.

When it came time for Claude to assume more responsibilities in the family’s matters and business dealings, his uncle, the man who ran the family, didn’t want to give Claude any job with real danger of him possibly screwing it up. He didn’t trust that the differently-abled young man would be able to handle any real job that required thinking. Again, Claude was quite capable, as he would eventually prove, but no one believed in his abilities. As a result, as the family power grew, Claude was usually overlooked for positions and promotions within the power structure.

So, to pass the time, Claude decided to hell with them. He chose to spend time drinking, gambling, and womanizing. It’s funny, isn’t it, how money will buy you the attention–even for a short time–that your own family won’t give you. And Claude had plenty of attention when he want to bars and brothels because of his family’s money. And, for their part, the family didn’t care. They were sort of glad that the monstrosity wasn’t underfoot so much. And, at the same time, Claude didn’t stop his learning. He began also to write history books, books on culture, and even books on language and literature that proved to be so good, so well researched, that leading academics of the day were impressed with his knowledge and his writing abilities.

Then, as fate or luck would have it, that nephew that had tormented him so as a youth ascended to become the head of the family. Almost all other male relatives had died. Claude himself was in his late 40s by this time, and, since there was no one else, the nephew made Claude his “advisor.” Thus, from monstrosity to being close to the seat of power and prestige, Claude had somehow survived.

Then, after only a few short years as the family head, the nephew was murdered. And guess who assumed the mantle of leadership of the family? Yes, it was good, old, monstrous Claude. And, once he had his hand on the tiller of power, he did exceptionally well. In fact, it turns out that some of his so-called “ailments” as a youth were done for affect. Oh, sure, he had his tics and still had the shuffling gait, but the stutter left him, and he didn’t seem to be the complete idiot the family had though he was for so long.

In fact, history doesn’t think of him as a monstrosity at all. No, it remembers Emperor Tiberius Claudius Caesar as one of the best rulers of the early decades of the Roman Empire.

On Caesar’s Favorite

It is wonderful when a rich and powerful benefactor makes you his favorite. Such was the case in ancient Rome when an emperor bestowed his kindness and largesse on one such favorite named Incitatus. This Incitatus was the recipient of Emperor Gaius Germanicus’s favor and blessing. Caesar gave Incitatus a marble-lined bedroom equipped with expensive purple bed linens. He held great banquets in Incitatus’s honor, invited famous poets, musicians, actors, and senators to dine with them to honor Incitatus.

Caesar also gifted him expensive jewelry, had servants feed him by hand (and the food he gave for Incitatus had gold flakes in it), and also sent people who would bathe Incitatus. We don’t know what Incitatus thought or felt about this unusual attention from Caesar. History is not sure of his origins nor of how he came to catch the eye of Caesar. We know nothing of his parentage, and we can only guess that he came from decent stock or otherwise he would never have come under the gaze of the most powerful man in the world at that time. But, again, all of this is conjecture.

We do know that a female named Penelope shared his house. Penelope, also, received great attention from Caesar. In fact, Caesar liked her so much that he took Penelope on a military campaign with him after Incitatus died. This raised some eyebrows in Roman society to be sure. Some wondered why Caesar seemed to care so much about Incitatus and Penelope to practically adopt the couple.

Another time, Caesar wanted Incitatus to join the Roman Senate, that most august institution of Roman politics and society. The trouble was (and here we have some clue about his background), being a senator cost money in ancient Rome, and it seems Incitatus had none. So, Caesar decreed that the financial contribution requirement for all senators would be eliminated. With that hurdle taken away, it seems that Caesar got his wish and had Incitatus made a senator. That decision, also, aroused much speculation about the favoritism Caesar showed. Some said that Caesar was doing this as a joke to make fun of the senators who thought themselves high and mighty, and that to appoint a senator who had no money would take some of the wind out of their sails. Others said that to do this showed that the emperor was slowly losing his grip on reality and becoming mad.

History also records that it is likely Caesar had Incitatus made a priest as well. That role was also a political move since appointed priests would be in direct service to the emperor. Again, we still have no idea how Incitatus reacted to all this attention. One major reason we don’t know is because Incitatus could not speak Latin or Greek.

In fact, horses don’t speak at all, usually.